An Entertaining Read of the Headlines
For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. ~ Gloria Borger
The above quote points out two significant contrasting trends in modern culture. The general public is not interested in "negative news" and yet, the mass media industry prefers to channel "Negative news" to the public.
Here is your chance to break away from the dominated negative news headlines. Enjoy an entertaining read of the headlines from the Miami Herald and Dave Barry's Year in Review 2007. The following are selected excerpts from the news categories.
World News: Iranian President Mahmoud ''Scooter'' Ahmadinejad, speaking at Columbia University, defends his denial of the Holocaust and claims there are no gays in Iran. He and his entourage then head to Greenwich Village to shop for chaps.
Business News: The dollar continued to lose value against all major foreign currencies and most brands of bathroom tissue. The slump in home sales continues into the new year, with a total, nationwide, of one home sold in January.
Political News: Several courageous members of the U.S. Congress -- it could be as many as a dozen -- decided, incredibly, not to run for president.
Technology News: The release of the Apple iPhone, which, in addition to enabling you to make phone calls, has all kinds of brilliant and innovative features, including AutoFondle, an application that enables the iPhone to fondle itself during those times when you are unable to fondle it manually because you're sleeping or undergoing surgery from wounds you sustained when friends or co-workers finally lost it and beat you senseless to make you shut up about your freaking iPhone already.
Sports News: In sports, a wildly unpredictable season of college football, marked by a slew of upsets, ends with the Bowl Championship Series computer awarding the final No. 1 ranking to Bryn Mawr College. The Owls will play the BCS computer's No. 2 ranked team, Vassar, for the 2007 national championship in the Sugar Bowl, scheduled to be played, because of TV-marketing requirements, next July. I go to the all women's Bryn Mawr College... I didn't know we had a football team. LOL!
Entertainment News: Rosie O'Donnell announces that she will leave the TV show The View to pursue a career making bizarre statements on the Internet. Although O'Donnell claims her departure is amicable, insiders say she tried to oust Barbara Walters as the show's producer, a move that Walters was able to repel by blasting the outspoken comedienne with 150,000 cubic feet of hairspray, which, for Barbara, is nearly a two-day supply.
Weather News: As May draws to a close and the Atlantic hurricane season looms, weather experts, having reviewed all their data and their sophisticated computer models, announce that they have absolutely no clue what is going to happen.
Health News: President Bush undergoes a colonoscopy; congressional Democrats immediately pass a resolution condemning the procedure, while maintaining that they ''fully support the colonoscope.''
Environmental News: Al Gore's ''Live Earth,'' a massive rock concert in which more than 150 music acts perform at 11 locations around the world to fight global warming, which is swiftly brought to its knees.
If you enjoyed the above excerpts, you will definitely enjoy reading the complete Dave Barry's Year in Review 2007 article. News is entertaining.
Post a Comment